AGH

I love my mom.
Don't get me wrong.
But sometimes, she's just so frustrating!
It's not like the mom that talks about "girl stuff" or pries too much into my life.
Or the mom that tells embarrassing stories about me to my friends or something.

She's just... well...
Agh.

I can't tell her anything without her using it against me.
It's like talking to the police "Anything you say can and will be used against you."
I can't talk about feelings, thoughts, future, past, anything.
I tried several times.
I'm usually an introverted person and keep my feelings to myself and talk about other random stuff.
I don't tell people anything, really.
But I tried opening up to her, and told her about how I thought that I was a selfish and greedy person.
It failed miserably.
She told me that she didn't think that I was selfish.
She didn't let me finish my sentences.
Whenever I try to speak, she cuts me off.
And she hates it whenever I do it to her.
Hypocrite.
Within the next 6 hours, she used it against me(New record!).
I groaned about how long it was taking for the food to arrive at a restaurant.
We had already waiting an hour to get in the restaurant, and another 30 to order.
We had only gotten an appetizer and 2 bowls of rice.
She immediately told me that she now thought I was selfish.
Thanks Mom.
Never telling you anything again.

She also doesn't support me in what I want to do with my life.
I can tell that she tries to show her support,
but I know that she really doesn't.
At least she tries.
She used to openly state how drawing should only be a hobby, and nothing more.
She still doesn't comment about my art when I ask her to, other than a short grunt.
But now, I think her patience is wearing thin again.
I doodle.
A lot.
On paper, on the sides of my homework, on my planner.
She hates it.
I don't understand why, but she despises it, and yells at me for it.
And she keeps suggesting to teach me more coding, or sending me to a coding camp.
I'm sick of it.
I can do what I want with my future.
I can do what I want with my life.
I can choose what FUCKING PATH I WANT TO GO.
I'm sorry about that, I just needed to get it out.
Punching stuff worked for a while, but it's gotten old.

She also hates it when I do homework on the couch.
I don't know how it affects her, but she screams at me for working anywhere but right next to her in the dining room.

She rarely compliments me on anything.
She's so difficult to please.
Or make happy in general.
She only laughs at her own jokes.
She always cuts me off.
She always blames me for something.
She yells at me and my dad for the smallest things(i.e. cutting carrots, being late 5 minutes, not doing this or that the second after she tells us to). And when she forgets to do something, we can't do anything about it. Because she makes us food.
I make her something, and she gives me a strained smile and walks away.
I try to hug her and she avoids it.
I try to make small talk but she tells me to bug off.
I try to compliment her and she tells me to go do something else.
I try to be nice, and she rejects me.
And the second I start being grumpy(usually on vacation with friends), she starts lecturing me about how my mood is rubbing off on everybody else.
Isn't your mean, annoying lecturing rubbing off on everybody else?
Oh, what happened to your mood EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE?!
Sorry again.

My IQ is going DOWN as I grow up?!
OH, and I'm stupid, and I'll never get anywhere in life?!
I'm going to end up as a FRIGGEN HOBO on the corner of MCDONALD'S?!
THANKS A HELL OF A LOT MOM.
I LOVE YOU TOO.

And again, don't take me wrong, I love my mom, but some of the time, she irritates the crap out of me.
Yey.