Cringe

Have you ever thought about something you'd done in the past and cringed? Hard?
How could you have been so stupid? How could you have done something so ridiculous?
I want to punch myself, or knock my head into a wall. Again. And again. And again.
I think of those moments everyday, and I want to kick myself.

Today I had one of those moments(sort of).

I'm an antisocial person, and when somebody tells me a joke, it takes a moment for me to respond.
I understand jokes like a second language. I have to listen to it, translate it, then react to it.
So a lot of the time, I don't understand that it's a joke, so I reply automatically with what I would've replied if it wasn't a joke.

Yesterday, I got a haircut. An acquaintance of mine walked up to me this morning and asked: "Did you get the tips of your hair dyed invisible?"

I automatically replied, "No."

She tried to rescue the joke by continuing: "That means you cut your hair, right?"

When the only reaction she got from me was a blank stare, she awkwardly walked away.

It took me several seconds after that to comprehend the joke. I wanted to scream at myself.
I do that with a lot of my conversations in general. I feel like ripping my face off.

Also, have you ever looked at yourself in previous years and thought about how insufferable you were? Every year of my life, I think: "Oh, I'm a perfectly normal person. There's no way that in the future, I'll look back on myself and cringe."  I cringe.

There was this point a couple years ago I was into pretending I was a mouse living in the wilderness with sharpened sticks.

A year before that, I didn't listen to music.

A year before that, I thought I was being bullies because people were teasing me about some minor things.

A year before that, I was a selfish brat.

And so on.

I wonder what I'll think of myself now in a year.
*cringes*